They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
