It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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