Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
