New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
