I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
