it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
