and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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