Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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