I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
pop tarts are not kleenex
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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