We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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