She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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