I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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