So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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