Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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