my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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