Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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