If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
