just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
