please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize