I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
