the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
