Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
