ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
