when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
