If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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