Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Randomize
