I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize