Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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