I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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