I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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