The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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