Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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