Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
