The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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