The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
