ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
