i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize