he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
