The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
