I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
