He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
