I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
