This is not my ceiling
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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