I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
