so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
