once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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