mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
