you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
