he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
