So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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