remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
