Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Never underestimate the power of titties
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
