All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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