Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize