Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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