My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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