You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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