The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
