I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
