we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
