This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
