wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
