So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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