Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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