Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
