so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
