Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
