Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
