my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
